I am an total idiot. I heard about the held hostage in mumbai for a couple of days and even last morning when i picked up the papers and glanced at the lawyer who was killed, i thought it was just another lady.

Until in the afternoon, when darren told me that jack and jonathon knows her too and the person is yen! my heart dropped.

I recalled the times when i first got to know yen is at cali gym body combat class. Those were the fond memories. And i got the chance to know her slightly better through my ex, even though the relationship only lasted a couple of weeks.

Even though we were not very closed. But she is indeed the bubbly, cheerful, determined, and a person who lived her life to the fullest.

YEN - i am sorry i didnt attend your wedding in the end because i thought it would awkward, i regretted not being able to witness the happiest day a woman in her life - wedding day.

Because we seldom keep in touch at all, other than the invitation to her wedding, on wednesday, i seldom use MSN and that day when i logged on i happened to see her popped up Lo Hwei Yen has signed in. That was the very first time i actually saw her name appear on my msn. I wanted to write something to her, but i didnt. I wanted to tell her sorry for not going for her wedding (even though we are not very close and she probably wouldnt care if i turn up or not) to ask her hows life and apologize for no show at her wedding.

I always thought i will have other chances. Who knows, i never got the chance to.
Yen is a fierce driver. She is really someone with beauty and brains.

Yen even though we were never really close, the fond memories of combat times and after combat classes dinner, from the bottom of my heart, i really miss you.

God chose you for a reason. You are his beloved child, and i believe you are in heavens playing the harps and singing on the clouds just like how my doctor tells me when we go to heaven we will be forever happy playing harps and singing everyday.

I know you are up there wacthing over the poeple you love and you care for. And it is really my honour to have befriended you.

We might not have been really close friends, but there is one more living soul here that greatly misses you.


Eric
YEN do you still remember me or not.

There are some things i am very troubled over.

He always thinks that things that are left unspoken will eventually be resolved. Well things that work that way in reality. Its not like rain and wind and whatever things we learn in geography will eventually wear and tear something and eventually it will disappear. In fact there is certain truth to it. I will disappear subjected to such repeated wears and tears.

I hate it when people just dun get it. But well, who am i to decide thwat ya should GET IT. but at least if it is someone close to you and you know exactly what he or she doesnt like.. not about food.. but about your behavior what ya say.. at least show me show respect. What s the point of asking me something when ya have already decided what to do? Whats the point of asking for the sake of asking when the answer you want is a yes and mind is a no. THE WORST THING IS i have already made it so clear that i dont want in the evening... and at night... u can still come and tell me things like.. dont be angry.... well....

I am reaching my breaking point! i hate it when people dun show me an even drop of respect. I am proud to say i have really been a nice person... all my life... now... i feel so different. so many things have chsnged me to become so jaded. So many hurts and heartbreaks over the same old things over and over again. i feel like calling it quits.

i feel really unhappy these days.. i used to feel that i am the luckiest person on earth... i feel so angry why me. GOD why me... why do i go through all these... i hate it..

A leapord doesnt changes its spots.... its true... ya can change a person to make him better. SO i am not going to do it anymore. since it is easier to make a person change for the worst. YOUR ACTIONS. WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE to ME. boy i cant be an angel anymore.

I hate it when u dictate what i do. Everthing is about you you you. SO dun talk tuen the table around and say every thing i do is for myself.

You nevber learn, and i believe you never will. I GAVE UP!

Dun say u love me. You love to hurt me. Go fool around as much as you want. maybe one day u think u had enough, which u never will. but i may have move on... because how much betrayal. how much hurt can one take.

just consolation. at least i learn determination!
i hate my life now.

I cant believe trhat after so long, i still can remember i have this lj. and i can remember my username and password. haha...

i promise myself that i will write here more often... i guess this is the way i should channel my frustrations.. in fact i have many points of views.. many things that i wanna talk about... but i am not sure if anybody will really be interested in what i wrtie or say... so if anyone happens to read my journal... thanks.. and feel free to leave some comments...

:)

cant believe that in a few more days i am turning 22..

in the past.. i used to get real excited when my birthday is coming... but right now... i dun even feel like its important to me anymore...

Finally... i set up a my live journal...
dont know what i will write in this...but hopefully i will be writing in this...